previously
click here to watch me read this out loud
Guyon leaves, and King A stays to fight because armies of WEIRD GOBLIN THINGS are ARRAYING CRUELL BATTLE UPON the House of Temperance, but naturally King A fights them off like the paragon of manliness that he is. With his glitterand armes
These beasties naturally represent various temptations and each part of the castle they attack represents a sense and their forms represent the temptations each sense is weak too. Except I laughed at the stanza for Smell because it was just like “yeah they’re goblins.” Spenser, you couldn’t decide what temptation Smell is supposed to have either 😦
Then the enemy captain shows up RIDING A TYGER and firing arrows while riding backwards “like a Cossack” and he is assisted by two HAGS named Impotence and Impatience.The Hags wrestle King A to the ground and he has to be rescued by his Squire, and I’m like…did the most manly man ever just get pwned by old ladies?
But Spenser has some stanza like,
So greatest and most glorious thing on ground
May often need the helpe of weaker hand;
and I’m like awww he managed to make getting pwned by old ladies kinda cute.
So King A stabs enemy captain but HE GETS BACK UP and NO BLOOD STREAMS FROM HIS WOUND so King A starts freaking out like WHAT IS THIS VILE CREATURE WHO FIGHTETH WHEN HE DOES NOT BLEED?
IT’s A ZOMBIE DUDE!!!!
So he throws away his invincible sword and DIAMOND SHIELD and then WRESTLES ZOMBIE INTO SUBMISSION WITH HIS BURLY ARMS
then he’s like “phew”
but zombie GETS BACK UP
and he’s like “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”
then he thinks to himself “wait, I know from before these creatures are powered up by dirt” (what???)
so he wrestles him into submission AGAIN, then HEFTS him over his shoulder, marches THREE FURLONGS and chucks him into a lake.
But seriously, it’s awesome. At this point in Book 2, the quality of the poetry leaps into AMAAZING and never looks back!
So braue returning, with his brandisht blade,
He to the Carle himselfe againe addrest,
And strooke at him so sternely, that he made
An open passage through his riuen brest,
That halfe the steele behind his back did rest;
Which drawing backe, he looked euermore
When the hart bloud should gush out of his chest,
Or his dead corse should fall vpon the flore;
But his dead corse vpon the flore fell nathemore.Ne drop of bloud appeared shed to bee,
All were the wounde so wide and wonderous,
That through his carkasse one might plainely see:
Halfe in a maze with horror hideous,
And halfe in rage, to be deluded thus,
Againe through both the sides he strooke him quight,
That made his spright to grone full piteous:
Yet nathemore forth fled his groning spright,
But freshly as at first, prepard himselfe to fight.Thereat he smitten was with great affright,
And trembling terror did his hart apall,
Ne wist he, what to thinke of that same sight,
Ne what to say, ne what to doe at all;
He doubted, least it were some magicall
Illusion, that did beguile his sense,
Or wandring ghost, that wanted funerall,
Or aerie spirit vnder false pretence,
Or hellish feend raysd vp through diuelish science.His wonder farre exceeded reasons reach,
That he began to doubt his dazeled sight,
And oft of error did himselfe appeach:
Flesh without bloud, a person without spright,
Wounds without hurt, a bodie without might,
That could doe harme, yet could not harmed bee,
That could not die, yet seem’d a mortall wight,
That was most strong in most infirmitee;
Like did he neuer heare, like did he neuer see.A while he stood in this astonishment,
Yet would he not for all his great dismay
Giue ouer to effect his first intent,
And th’vtmost meanes of victorie assay,
Or th’vtmost issew of his owne decay.
His owne good sword Morddure, that neuer fayld
At need, till now, he lightly threw away,
And his bright shield, that nought him now auayld,
And with his naked hands him forcibly assayld.Twixt his two mightie armes him vp he snatcht,
And crusht his carkasse so against his brest,
That the disdainfull soule he thence dispatcht,
And th’idle breath all vtterly exprest:
Tho when he felt him dead, a downe he kest
The lumpish corse vnto the senselesse grownd;
Adowne he kest it with so puissant wrest,
That backe againe it did aloft rebownd,
And gaue against his mother earth a gronefull sownd.As when Ioues harnesse-bearing Bird from hie
Stoupes at a flying heron with proud disdaine,
The stone-dead quarrey fals so forciblie,
That it rebounds against the lowly plaine,
A second fall redoubling backe againe.
Then thought the Prince all perill sure was past,
And that he victor onely did remaine;
No sooner thought, then that the Carle as fast
Gan heap huge strokes on him, as ere he downe was cast.
laetanda 