Two certainly not imaginary individuals discuss the fairly popular romance trilogy by C.S.Pacat
Warning: Contains mentions of rape, child abuse, slavery, other gross stuff you’d expect to find in shady romance novels
We wanted to like it because the author tried to include intrigue and SWORDFIGHTIN’ and other things to make the romance less boring and she wrote on the internet before becoming famous and not in a 50 shades kind of way…but…
Two definitely not made up people discuss the weird T.E.Lawrence shounen-ai manga; if you don’t know what that is, probably don’t click. NSFANYTHING
Au: man, Peter O’Toole was so dreamy *__*
Qu: I know right? since I watched this at a young age I was basically ruined for all men lool
Au: He looks a lot like “real” Captain America
Qu: NOW I’m imagining Captain America wandering around with a lofty british accent AND IT’s VERY CONFUSING
Au: But yeah, when they were talking about how TE Lawrence was a pretty short guy (5’7″), I was REALLY getting the Steve Rogers vibe…
Qu: CUT THAT OUT
Qu: TE Lawrence was a huge weirdo and this movie was unfaithfully based on his dodgy memories
Au: Well on one hand, I was thinking TE Lawrence was too awesome to be real
Qu: literally true
I tried to read his book but did not succeed because there were SO MANY DESCRIPTIONS OF DESERT D: SO MANY and I say this as a person who read DUNE which is 50% descriptions of desert and was like “NEEDS MOAR DESCRIPTIONS OF DESERT”.
CRESSIDA: Who are they?
MAN: How do you not recognize the Queen and Helen of Troy?
CRESSIDA: So why was Hector angry this morning?
MAN: He learned that Ajax is half Trojan
CRESSIDA: Isn’t Ajax Achilles’ cousin
MAN: WE’LL HAVE NONE OF THAT IN HERE
CRESSIDA: What of Ajax?
MAN: he stands alone
CRESSIDA: So do all men unless they have no legs joke.wav
MAN: He is stubborn yet valient yet foolish and a weird incomprehensible mishmash of character traits.
CRESSIDA: So a standard Shakespearean character then
CRE: WHO COMES HERE
MAN: Once again I am distubred you don’t recognized your uncle
PAN: Troilus is a better man than Hector
CRE: That is objectively untrue.
PAN: what are we even talking about
CRE: nobody knows lol
PAN: Let’s go up here
CRE: So we can do the thing like Helen in Book 3 of the Iliad
PAN: I TOLD YOU WE’LL HAVE NONE OF THAT HERE
I wish I could mrary him so do I
CRE: Achilles is better than Troilus
PAN: Achilles is a camel!
CRE: …these hands
PAN:Is not a man spiced and seasonsed by beauty, learning, virtue, etc?
CRE: YEs, but then man dates out, instea do in the pie.
PAN: I don’t know what ward you lie
CRE: Upon my back, upon my wit, upon my secrecy
PAN: Say your watches
CRE: Nay I…We did the thing where we forgot what we were talking about again
BOY: Troilus summons you
PAN: BUT I’M WOOING ON HIS BEHALF
CRE: Little does he know that I secretly love Troilus, I’m just a huge rude
vaguely inspired by this post
I have the same problem except with things like Wagner and classical music and ancient literature. Fortunately, I don’t have to teach anyone, so my frustration is purely on principle. I tell everyone I know that the Iliad is one of the GREATEST things ever written* and I feel like they just don’t take me seriously. Then I think, am I a person who says that kind of thing lightly? If I consider EVERY SINGLE THING I have read or watched and decided that this is one of the greatest, doesn’t that mean something? Yet I have only so far convinced one person, who was pretty much a captive audience, by reading it to them out loud.
If I tell people to watch The Ring Cycle they complain that “it’s too long and boring” when these same exact people will watch LOTR movies for 12 hours straight…
Other people think classical music is too intellectual or snobby. With literature, I do think you need a certain level of reading comprehension to be able to understand certain works, but this is music! It’s not like you have to go to music school to get it! JUST LISTEN!
I think, for the general public, listening to a long piece of music without lyrics is kind of like that feeling when you were a little kid and you started trying to read books without pictures. You have the initial stress of but I NEED PICTURES??!! until you realize that books with only words can be good too… but in music they get stuck at this point.
People say that the internet is shortening people’s attention spans, but I think that people have short attention spans naturally and the internet just caters to it. However, there is an area where I think society actively conditions people to have short attention spans and that is the mainstream music industry. They write repetitive songs and play them over and over on purpose, with the result that people think “music” has to be 3 minutes long and have lyrics which are 80% the same words. While obviously that doesn’t mean this genre of music can’t be good, to me it’s crazy that this is the ONLY kind of music that some people EVER listen to. It’s like I’m living in a land where everyone refused to read anything except a poem shorter than 12 lines, and I’m sitting there like, “But what about plot and narrative and CHARACTERS and trilogies and and and…? You never want to experience that, EVER??” Then there are some people who listen to an opera but only as a 5 minute except, which again, to me is like ripping two pages from the middle of a book and then saying, “Oh, that’s kind of nice but I couldn’t deal with more of it.” NO ONE WOULD DO THAT but in the classical music realm, it’s acceptable… ??
On the other hand, I do have a short attention span and I consume a lot of mindless entertainment so I sympathize with the apathetic person. I think it’s hard for people with nerdy interests to accept that what we feel expresses something profound, to somebody else just sounds like “mildly pleasant noise” at best. Their profound things are obviously something else, although I don’t know what, because I’ve never been normal.
As for how to “fix” this, as an antisocial pessimist, I’ve given up. Nonetheless, I like long operas, epic poetry, and long posts, and that’s why I write them even though it means no one reads my blog, because if I just give in and make everything 160 characters then there will be NO ONE doing it and I feel like I owe it somehow to the things I love, to show that there are people who are still like that, even if it’s only one.
*not actually written but orally composed this is why everyone hates me
Apparently it was Shakespeare’s birthday, which I did not realize, but I was reading Troilus so it works out. This is Shakespeare’ crazy version of the Iliad.
I’m not sure he had access to the text (It’s possible, since the first proper English translation – Chapman – finished around 1611, but I just don’t get the feeling. A classics nerd always knows who has read the Iliad and who hasn’t; HOMER SENSE) so I won’t judge him ruthlessly for getting the details wrong…nah, I totally will.
This play will either be hilarious or wildly insulting (EDIT from the future: It’s a hot mess.)
…From Iles of Greece
The Princes Orgillous
“proud”, a great word
And hither am I come,
A Prologue arm’d, but not in confidence
Of Authors pen, or Actors voyce; but suited
In like conditions, as our Argument;
wait, is this supposed to be a person? I hope so. I’m laughing imagining some poor person being like, “I came here to play Henry V, But mine is made the prologue to their play, literally :(”
To tell you (faire Beholders) that our Play
Leapes ore the vaunt and firstlings of those broyles,
Beginning in the middle:
DOESN’T TELLING THE AUDIENCE ABOUT IN MEDIAS RES DEFEAT THE PURPOSE OF IN MEDIAS RES? SHAKESPEARE, YOU CAD
Pan. Will this geere nere be mended?
gear, business, gear, his armour
why is Pandarus being a sleazy matchmaker type, of all people!?
Troy. The Greeks are strong, & skilful to their strength,
Fierce to their skill, and to their fiercenesse Valiant:
use shakespearean grammar in a sentence
these fries are crunchy, and salty to their crunch, and to their saltiness tasty
Pan. Ile not meddle nor make no farther. Hee that will
haue a Cake out of the Wheate, must needes tarry the
Troy. Haue I not tarried?
Pan. I the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting.
Troy. Haue I not tarried?
Pan. I the boulting; but you must tarry the leau’ing.
Troy. Still haue I tarried.
Pan. I, to the leauening: but heeres yet in the word
hereafter, the Kneading, the making of the Cake, the
heating of the Ouen, and the Baking; nay, you must stay
the cooling too, or you may chance to burne your lips.
“You go around meddling and making in everyone’s affairs!”
How to Bake a Cake…did they even have cakes…
“here’s yet in the word hereafter” I can’t figure out what this means but I suspect punnery most foule
Yeah, Troilus should tarry, not like he’s doing something urgent like I don’t know, fighting in a war daily
Pan. And her haire were not somewhat darker then
Helens, well go too
I feel like that we are not really understanding the concept of THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD
Pan, But for my part she is my Kinswo-
man, I would not (as they tearme it) praise it
way to be a creepster
Her Eyes, her Haire, her Cheeke, her Gate, her Voice,
Handlest in thy discourse. O that her Hand
(In whose comparison, all whites are Inke)
Writing their owne reproach; to whose soft seizure,
The Cignets Downe is harsh, and spirit of Sense
Hard as the palme of Plough-man.
“in whose comparison, all whites are ink writing their own reproach” sounds like a laundry commerical
“compared to your hand’s softness, the spirit of sense is rough” just what every girl wants to hear
Troy.Thou lai’st in euery gash that loue hath giuen me,
The Knife that made it.
Pan. I speake no more then truth.
Troy. Thou do’st not speake so much.
what does this mean
Pan. …Let her be as shee is,
if she be faire, ’tis the better for her: and she be not, she
ha’s the mends in her owne hands.
If you don’t like it, you have the mends in your own hands!!
Troy. Fooles on both sides, Helen must needs be faire,
When with your bloud you daily paint her thus.
nice line again
Troy. I cannot fight vpon this Argument:
It is too staru’d a subiect for my Sword,
YES WHO WOULD FIGHT OVER A WOMAN SOME LOSER IDK
Troy. And he’s as teachy to be woo’d to woe,
As she is stubborne, chast, against all suite.
FUN AND GAMES
Troy. Tell me Apollo for thy Daphnes Loue
What Cressid is, what Pandar, and what we:
Tell me too because I’m completely confused
Also, more CLASSIC SHAKESPEAREAN QUOTATIONS TO IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS.
As the Bard once said, “what we”.
Æneas. How now Prince Troylus?
Wherefore not a field?
Troilus: I’ve never been a field, why should I start now?
Troy. Because not there; this womans answer sorts.
For womanish it is to be from thence:
Troy. But to the sport abroad, are you bound thither?
Æne. In all swift hast.
Troy. Come goe wee then togither.
didn’t he take off his armour and say he couldn’t fight for such a stupid reason five seconds ago?
BONUS: I found some notes from a guy named Gulian Crommelin Verplanck